Detachment: Don’t Let Yourself Be Possessed By Anything

Detachment could be understood as not needing anything. But that’s not what we want to convey. We just believe that we lack nothing to be happy and that we should not become obsessed with what we don’t have.

The word “detachment” is very fashionable in all books and groups of personal development and spirituality.

However, we tend to confuse terms and concepts with the multiplication of information sources.

Detachment doesn’t mean we don’t have to own anything. It also does not mean that we have to build emotional relationships where we avoid bonding with others, even though these bonds allow us to experience well-being and security.

Detachment is something more intimate. In addition, essential for our psychological and emotional balance.

It’s just about avoiding the things and people that end up owning us.

We must be able to give ourselves to others in complete freedom, to build more harmonious and respectful relationships, which leave no room for dependence, victimization and phrases like “ without you I am nothing” .

We invite you, in the rest of this article, to reflect on this subject.

Attachment and detachment

The term detachment has its roots in Buddhism. We also use it in the field of pedagogy and psychology.

We are talking about education and relationships based on a healthy bond, on strong ties.

The same word can therefore take on distinct concepts. It is therefore necessary to understand them in order to build relationships that are more honest and respectful of others.

Healthy attachment

For Buddhism, attachment is one of the greatest sources of suffering. This term, however, does not correlate with education or interpersonal relationships.

Let’s see this in detail.

Human beings, when they are born, need their fellows in order to survive. He also needs to feel secure in order to understand the world around him.

• Education is a healthy bond in which parents meet the needs of their child. A link in which they offer him a secure universe. Caresses, hugs and affection create a bond based on love. These are essential behaviors for the proper development of the child.
• Affective relationships based on a mature bond are also those that are established between two free and adult people.  Between two people wish to build a respectful and happy relationship.
• We need to secure the bond we have with the people we love. It therefore involves developing an attachment that allows us to feel secure. To feel united with the person who loves us and whom we love.

Detachment to protect our personal integrity

Now let’s explore the concept of detachment. This term means, in absolute terms, to give up what we have. Letting go of all the things we have would indeed be one way to achieve happiness.

But yet, deficiencies are one of the biggest factors of uncertainty, fear and sadness.

It is also true that addictions, attitudes that attach us to unimportant things or people are also sources of suffering.

• We need to change something to achieve true inner peace if we build our life around one person, to the point that our happiness depends on their state of mind, whims and behaviors.
• It is the same if we are “attached” to our family in such a way that we do not dare to live our life far from our parental universe.
• If we become too attached to our work, to the exclusive need to climb the social ladder, to earn more money to own more things and have a higher status, there is something that we have to change, because we forget simply to be happy.

Detachment is a form of personal integrity because it allows us to remember that happiness is not to be sought from others or from the accumulation of material goods.

Happiness is first born in us, because we feel that we are complete, free and mature people.

How to apply detachment in your daily life

• Accept the uncertainty. When setting a goal, don’t focus all of your attention on the outcome. Learn from the process and accept the inherent uncertainty of your projects, this is fundamental.
• Don’t focus on your well-being and your happiness based on what others are doing or not doing. It is a source of suffering that we must know how to move away from ourselves.
• Try to depend only on your own actions and be receptive to people who spontaneously act with you.

If you are obsessed with having others do things for you on a daily basis, you are going to experience constant dissatisfaction.

• Don’t confuse desire with need. They are not the same things at all. You may feel the desire to win the lottery, but you don’t have to have to hit the jackpot to solve all of your problems.
• Insecure people are those who tend to become too attached to the people around them, who want to have the most material goods, because they come to fill their emotional deficiencies.
• Take care of your self-esteem, fill your gaps with certainties. Realize that you are a complete person, capable of not only being happy, but also making others happy.