The Importance Of Listening

Listening is not at all a passive action, but we should not be the main topic of conversation when someone tells us about their problems.

Knowing how to listen is not easy. Sometimes we believe that just listening and paying attention to each other is enough to achieve this.

But nothing is further from reality. Let us take a specific situation. Imagine a discussion between two friends, in which one confides in the other that she had an argument with her mother the day before.

The first is extremely concerned but, as soon as she has finished speaking, her friend takes the opportunity to refer to a very similar experience from her past.

Is she really listening to him? It seems that she uses the concern of the other more to talk about her own life.

She didn’t really listen to her friend.

The mistakes we make when listening to others

We may have created some doubt in you. Do you really know how to listen? You most certainly think so, and you may be right.

But it’s important to point out the most common mistakes we make when listening to others.

The first of them is perfectly demonstrated by the example just mentioned. Someone tells us about a situation that disturbs them and we take the opportunity to talk about our past.

The second, more easily noticeable, is to change the subject very quickly. Our friend tells us about her argument with her mother and our response is going to be: “ Um, okay. And everything is going well at work if not? “.

The third, perhaps the most subtle, is the one that consists of uttering unimportant sentences, such as “ Don’t worry ”, “ These are just nonsense ”, “ Everything will pass over time ”…

Finally, the fourth error is certainly the most frequent. We tell the other what to do, giving him advice and solutions that he will be able to apply.

As you can see, in all of the cases that we have just discussed, the person who needed to speak was not genuinely listened to. Her interlocutor spoke more about him than about the problem that affects her.

Hide our own concern

These situations can lead us to think that we are selfish people who think we can listen, but are really just talking about them.

Listening is a process that requires attention, but which also requires taking into account the concerns of the other and not intervening by evoking personal questions.

Also, when we give each other advice on what catches our attention, we are not listening carefully.

We can give our point of view, but we cannot tell him how to behave or what to express, because we are not in his place.

If we do this, we are showing our personality in the other person’s problem.

Either way, you need to put your ego aside so that it doesn’t pop out when you’re listening to someone.

Even though this is a difficult situation to accept, you need to hide your own concerns.

Find out how to truly listen

Now that you know the mistakes that we often fall into when we think we are listening, you must learn to truly listen.

We will give you some essential keys to achieve this:

• Never give solutions: as we have already mentioned, it is not advisable to give solutions to the other or to tell him how he should act. However, you can ask him questions that will prompt him to think and make decisions. This is a great way to focus on their problems.
• Dig deeper: If you are really listening, ask questions that will demonstrate your interest in the topic the person is talking about. Questions like “ What do you think about this? “,“ What are you going to do? “, Demonstrate that you can interact without talking about yourself.
• Avoid talking about yourself: focus only on the other person, on what they are telling you. Avoid talking about yourself, unless she asks you directly to share your similar experiences with her.
• Do not underestimate the importance of the subject: even if it may seem trivial to you, the person who tells you about their problems is talking to you about a subject that is important to them. Never underestimate its importance.

Now you know what to do to listen sincerely, without thinking about yourself, focusing only on what the other person is telling you.

We have to get out of our minds that listening is a passive action, because it is instead something that requires action. So it is necessary that we learn to do it in a correct way.