Expecting Others To Act As We Would

Even though it seems unfair, we can only rely on ourselves 100% because the rest of the people also have their own interests and these the latter do not necessarily coincide with ours.

There is no greater source of suffering than waiting for others to act as we ourselves would.

This is a mistake that many people make and whether we like it or not, it affects the emotional balance.

It must be said that we tend to expect a lot from the people we love the most, because this seems to give us confidence and security.

“I know that my spouse will support me because I will do it for him”.

Assuming, predicting and above all expecting this person to act as we would ourselves is a way of “controlling our world” and being sure of certain things.

However, things don’t always turn out the way we expected, hence the disappointments. It is clear that we all need a percentage of security in our life.

If we didn’t have it, we wouldn’t know what to stand for and we would be in pain.

Now we must not think of the extreme: it is not good to think that the rest of the world must act according to our own values.

We invite you to think about this.

The power of expectation or expecting others to act like us

Fathers and mothers expect their children to act as they would. A friend tends to expect the other to be defended in any situation or problem. A husband expects his wife to act according to his expectations, and vice versa.

We are sure that in your closest environments you have encountered situations like these.

These are very dangerous expectations that can end up hurting both parties a lot. It is not a good thing.

Let’s see this in detail.

If you don’t act like I expect you disappoint me

If we do not support this friend in the initiatives he takes, he calls us a “false friend” or a “traitor”.

But, it is possible that his goals were not in line with our values ​​or that we simply could not help him because of personal problems.

• Who is not able to empathize with other people does not understand how positive relationships, based on reciprocity and respect, work.

No one has the obligation or the right to act according to the expectations of others.

The need to take control over all areas of our life

There are people who do not accept uncertainty, not knowing what is going to happen, and seeing reactions and actions over which they have no control.

How can we accept that one of his children tells us that he does not want to study when that is what we have always dreamed of? 

How can we accept that a friend tells us that he prefers to go on vacation with his colleagues rather than with us? 

• People who do not tolerate that the rest of the people do not act according to their choices, suffer from frustration and disappointments, which greatly affect their self-esteem.

• In reality, it is enough only to be more empathetic and above all, not to foresee how others should act, according to what we ourselves would be doing.

Don’t expect everything from others, expect from yourself

Rights and obligations

Whoever stops waiting for everything from others lives with more freedom and more energy to focus on what is really important: expecting yourself.

• You have the right to expect others to respect you.
• You have the right to be loved, but not to control the lives of those who love you. Nor to let them control you.
• You are entitled to expect reciprocity. But not that others agree with your ideas, your choices or your values.
• You have the right to strive for your dreams and to allow others to achieve theirs even if they are very different from yours.
• You have an obligation to take care of yourself, to take care of your self-esteem, and to avoid disappointing yourself. Indeed, the world does not react as you would yourself.
• You have an obligation to be “proactive” and to create your own happiness by not depending 100% on others. So accept the negative points that can sometimes disappoint you.
• Understand that we can also disappoint others. However, we are not better or worse people.
  We only try to be happy in accordance with our identities. To live free but always respecting his neighbor.

To conclude. We need to understand that the world is chaotic and that we are chaotic as people.

Wanting others to act exactly as we expect at all costs is a source of very high stress and suffering.

It’s not worth it.